Tight Langot!

facebook: pet peeves and new rules.

2011-11-24T16:02:00.000-08:00

Parents wishing their kids happy birthday on fb: Nothing more ridiculous than wishing your 3-year-old a happy birthday on fb. Your kid is never going to read your post about your conflicting feeling on seeing him or her grow an year older. New Rule: You can wish your children on fb ONLY if they have their own account AND they are your friend on fb.

Photos of your vacations: I don't give a shit where you went and what you saw. Please do not clutter my feed with run-of-the-mill snaps of mountains, bridges and your kids by the lake. New rule: Vacation photos will only be allowed if you have something to show that's NEVER been seen before....like a Yeti or the Loch Ness Monster.

Check-ins via FourSquare: Ok, so you are at Chipotle in Mt. View. Good for you. Now stop cluttering my feed with creepy location information. New rule: you check-in at Chipotle, you buy me a burrito.

Shut off Spotify notifications: I do not want to know what you have been listening to....infact its a little embarrassing to know just how much you are into Lady Gaga. New rule: If you post a Spotify playlist then you have to post a video of yourself trying to sing one of the songs.

Re-posting videos/images/jokes: Please do not re-post something that you found on fb. Its already on fb and its going to spread like the plague even without your help. I do not need for you to be nth person in my news feed re-posting the same article about Steve Jobs. New Rule: If you notice others posting the same crap as you then please go ahead and delete your original post. Its the least you can do.

Commenting on a status update with garbage: Please stop adding to the spam on fb by replying to a post with a "lol", "hahahaha", or a "nice one". Facebook traffic would reduce by huge percentage if you did not add to an useless update with your inane junk. New Rule: This rule is actually an old one...if you have nothing useful to say, then don't say anything at all.

Ode to Rush

2011-03-20T00:07:00.000-07:00

I first heard Rush in 1987 when my cousin, who was visiting from America, had a few songs on a mix tape he had brought along. The band's intricate music and bombastic drumming caught my ear and it was the beginning of what would be a journey that has lasted 20 years and still goes on.

Something must be said for a band that has lasted over 35 years with the same three members, never been tabloid fodder, and have kept their feet on the ground in spite of mass adulation. Having been in a band myself, I know how little time it takes for the initial euphoria to disappear only to be replaced by infighting and insidious politics.

Rush is throwback to a time long gone where musicians played their own instruments and wrote their own songs. The band has survived through three decades of change. They have survived disco and pop, grunge and hip-hop. That they have done so with equanimity and grace is a testament to the kind of people they are.

When Neil Peart, the drummer, took time off to deal with a family tragedy and it seemed like he might not come back, finding a replacement was never an option.

We live in times where relationships are fleeting; between people, between employer and employee and between adoring fans and the celebrities they worship. I cringe every time I hear a CEO talk about how his employees are his most important asset just weeks before a major layoff.

Using the life and times of a rock band as a life manual might seem a tad much but you could do a lot worse than using Rush's unique story as a source of inspiration.

For those new to the band, I recommend this well-made documentary released in 2010.
Rush: Beyond the lighted stage

The best thing to come out of Sweden (since ABBA)!

2010-09-26T00:19:00.000-07:00

I have been to Ikea a dozen times but never with another man. Its always been with my wife, on missions where she is the pilot and I can best be described as the stewardess: I cannot control where we are going or for how long, my job is to keep the crew happy and serve the meals on time. You can tell where a relationship is by closely observing couples go about their business at an Ikea. There are four basic types:

1. The student-roommates: They are barely out of their teens and can be found examining futons and cheap lamps. They exhibit a joy that comes with new found freedom to make their own decisions without mom and pop.

2. The newly hooked-up couple. Their shopping has an aimless meandering quality to it, the trip as much a date as a quest for furniture. He shows great interest in the fabric on the couch and she wants his opinion on vases and fitted sheets.

3. The newly married couple: He is still by her side but now the blackberry comes out at regular intervals. He has figured out that it is not his opinion but only his approval that is sought. He gives this enthusiastically while glancing admiringly at the only thing that seems interesting: The flat screen TVs displayed in fancy media consoles.

4. The breed to which I belong:. Wife leading the way, pencil and measuring tape in hand, husband lagging behind with a kid in his arms on in a stroller. All pretences have been jettisoned for harsh practicality. Get in, get exactly what you need and get out. Positions get reversed at the warehouse where the Mrs handles the kids while the man of the house struggles with heavy pieces of packaging under the watching eye of Judge Judy.

And so it was a pleasure to visit an Ikea with another man. He wanted some advice on designing a media center and I obliged (after the necessary clearances from the Home Ministry). We discussed the merits of sliding doors over the hinged variety, we huddled over a computer and tried to put together a custom design. We tried out chairs that would be impractical for a home, we checked out executive desks even if our own home offices couldn't hold anything bigger than a coffee table. We even had a few peaceful moments when nobody spoke and it was not because we had fought or did not agree on which shelving to buy!

We spent three peaceful hours at Ikea and I did not hear one complaint when I got home. She felt a certain security in knowing where I was for those three hours, thinking that there was no way I could have had a good time. After all the food court does not serve alcohol and the TVs on display do not show the weekend game. Dancing poles do not magically appear out of the floor with Swedish models gyrating to re-mixed ABBA tunes.

Now all I have to do is convince my friends that this Ikea trick actually works. We can all coordinate our trips there and then hangout. We could use one of the kitchens on display to sit around and catch up. Or we could even bring along our laptops and watch Netflix while we pretend to check out the desks in the office section.

I just might have found the perfect getaway spot! This might become a place of last resort for me. When the going gets tough, the tough make a trip.....to Ikea! Maybe I can convince Tiger Woods to join me......last I heard he had lost faith in all things Swedish!

5 Songs.

2010-08-04T00:21:00.000-07:00

Song: The theme to Hawaii Five O:
Year:1977.
I can see the visuals like it was yesterday. The opening scenes of crashing ocean waves set to this amazing instrumental soundtrack that opens with a flurry of drum rolls before the horn section kicks in. I am 7 years old living in Tikrit, Iraq. My father, a pilot with the Indian Air Force is stationed there for 2 years to train Iraqi pilots. We live in this military camp with rows of bungalows that house a mix of Indian and Iraqi families. School is a ragtag outfit located at the end of the street and run by the wives of some of the officers. I make friends with the kids of an Iraqi officer living opposite us, the boy around my age and the girl a few years older. I wait for the weekend when a new episode of Hawaii Five O will air in all its monocromatic glory. A slick detective series with a clean-cut hero that has all the elements of adventure and intrigue a young boy dreams of.
Epilogue: Sometimes I wonder if the prominent drums in that track were responsible for me taking up the instrument years later. Tikrit was bombed to the ground by US forces during the gulf war. Every time I hear that theme song I think of those 2 years in Iraq and I wonder if that Iraqi officer and his family are still around.

Song:Wanna be Startin' Something
Year: 1984.
I am 14 and in boarding school. Weekends are spent at my aunt's house in Pune. My uncle who is a big shot in a local company has just returned from a US trip and brought back an LP that features somebody called Michael Jackson. The LP cover has photo of a young black man laying prone on his side with a tiger cub in his hands. I have never heard music like this before. My cousin and his mix tapes have opened up my narrow music world to now include bands like The Police , Billy Joel and Kraftwerk but nothing could have prepared me for Michael. Every weekend has to have a MJ session: gently place the LP on the player, wait while the hiss from the speakers gives way to the first track on the album.
Epilogue: "Beat It", "Billy Jean" and "Thriller" were all bigger hits but for me it will always be the first song on that LP. Hearing it takes me back to those weekends when I would come home to my aunt's house hungry for real food. My aunt does not live in that house anymore. In fact its been remodelled and looks nothing like what it was.

Song: With or without you
Year: 1988.
I am 18 and living on my own in Pune in my parents' empty apartment while they live in the Middle East. The effects of adolescence are in full effect and I find myself spending a lot of time with new friends who, to put it mildly, are not too academically inclined. A lot of time is spend hanging at my apartment listening to U2's new album and in particular the third song, "With Or Without You". A haunting melody that seems to address all the issues 18 year olds have to deal with. My new friends are all into music as much as I am and we dream of forming a band and touring the world. I buy a pair of drumsticks and start practicing.
Epilogue: Stardom eluded us all but that song never fails to take me back to the year when I met some my closest friends. I learned more about life in that one year of living alone than ever before.

Song: Got A Match
Year: 1997
I have been married for 2 years. I have a job. The rebel in me has been silenced for a while now, defeated by the harsh reality that I cannot make a living playing the drums. My wife, a junior lecturer in my college, has shepherded me through the last few years of school knowing that the only way we could get married was if I got a real job. I now play in a band called Crayon that consists of other working professional and we decide to make a foray into more "serious" music. I have been listening to jazz for a few years now and I think I am good enough to play what I hear until the band decides to attempt a Chick Corea track called "Got A Match". Boy, am I glad I got a real education! I cannot fathom a single note and suddenly realize that there is a whole category of drumming out there that I know nothing about. This new music opens up my ears to a whole new world of drumming.
Epilogue: I did not know then but the drummer I heard on that track was Dave Weckl, considered by many to be one of the greatest drummers of the last 30 years. When I landed in America in 2000 the first concert I saw was Dave Weckl with his band. It was as close to a religious experience that a non-believer can have.

Song: Love Story
Year :2009:
Taylor Swift is ruling the airways and the Grammies with her hit song "Love Story". It sounds just like ten other songs on the radio that are being pushed down my throat by an industry that manufactures music stars to target a specific demographic. Try telling that to my 9 year old daughter. She and her friends have decided that Love Story is their official anthem. When will these kids discover "real" music? I can see that she enjoys music at a deeper level than the casual listener. She recognises voices and can tell who the artist is even if she is hearing a song for the first time. Now if I can only show her that there is another world of music waiting for her if she steps off the beaten path.
Epilogue:Took me a while before I realised that I cannot be the arbiter of good taste for my kids. They will find their own way. And just like I have my 5 songs, they will have theirs.

More than just a game.

2010-05-22T18:24:00.000-07:00

What makes a particular sport great? What makes one sport better than another? Living in America and being a soccer fan is not the easiest thing. To start off, I cannot refer to the sport as Football because that would confuse the locals to assume that I am referring to American Football ( Helmets, padded clothes and an oblong ball). Then there are the inevitable comparisons with American sports like baseball, basketball and American Football. I have sat through many a discussion where I have been informed that watching a sport where nothing seems to be happening for long periods of time, with the final result being a tie, does not make for interesting viewing.

Fans of different sports can argue for hours on the virtues of their chosen sport and it is a little pointless trying to convert a die-hard Yankees fan to understand the fluid beauty of soccer. Each game has its nuances that can only be understood after being a fan for a certain length of time. Having said that, there is a reason why only soccer can claim to be a real global sport. It's the only sport that has been played between nations all over the world. Baseball, Cricket, Golf, Tennis.....take your pick. None of these sports have a history of international competition that have involved more than a handful of countries. Every great sport has a human angle, a back story, a sub-plot which makes the actual game being played a lot more that just a contest between two teams. The Yankees-Red Sox rivalry goes back a long way and that's what makes the games between these two teams a lot more interesting that the others. Now imagine a sub-plot that involves two nations!! This history of international competition allows fans from around the world to be part of a shared experience.

Argentina met England in a World Cup quarter final match during the '86 world cup. For the uninitiated this would looked like any other match but it was far from that. Just 4 years earlier the two countries had gone to war over the Falkland Islands and the match was an opportunity for Argentina to collectively reclaim their dignity.

In 1966 England met Germany in a world cup final. It had been just 20 years since WWII had ended and as you can imagine this was more than just another soccer match.
Perpetually feuding nations in Africa clash on the soccer field ever so often and it is a known fact that rebel forces declare an unofficial cease fire during these matches.

In the 2002 world cup Senegal ( a former french colony) beat France to finally step out of the shadows of its colonizer.

A sport is nothing without its history and no sport has a richer history than soccer. In a way I am glad that America does not "get" soccer. I like the fact that there is still a sport in the world that has not been re-imagined and tinkered with so that it can look better on TV. I am glad that soccer does not have 50 time-outs to accommodate commercial breaks. For soccer to become big in America it will have to change. It will have to morph into something else that can be packaged and sold to a public that is used to walking out between innings to buy a hot dog.

So with the world cup just round the corner, I love the fact that this "little" sporting event is flying below the radar in America. I do not want to expend any more energy trying to explain the game or it's worldwide appeal to a Raiders fan on his way to a tailgate party.

You live in your world and I will live in mine.

Recycle or die!

2010-03-24T12:10:00.000-07:00

Green is in. Recycle. Upcycle. Carbon footprint, Eco-friendly....words that you better have integrated into your lexicon if not your lifestyle. There is no faster way to get shunned by your friends and colleagues than by making the grave mistake of dumping a Coke can into the non-recycle bin. Do you clean your plastic material before you put it in the bin? Do you separate newsprint from other printed material? Do you place used batteries in a Ziploc? What about understanding the number code printed inside a triangle on all plastic products?

The pressure to understand your garbage has never been greater. Something does not seem right here. Sure I understand the rationale behind sorting my garbage but is this really making a difference? What's the cost of recycling a piece of garbage over making it from scratch? I understand that recycling is good for the earth and all that but if the earth's future depends on people like me knowing if Styrofoam should be in the recycle bin or not then we have a problem.

I think the green movement has been great for raising awareness about the cost of manufacturing and the damage it can do to the environment but I think the pressure to go green should be borne by the manufacturing industry and not the consumer. Would it not be great if every product came in a bio-degradable package? Why are consumers like me and you shouldering the guilt of polluting the earth when its the products we use that need to change. I see people seeking out "green" products because they want to do their bit for the environment. Good for them but what about folks who cannot afford the more expensive "green" option? "Green" has become a buzz word, a gimmick. Every company out there is trying to attach a "green" label to their product. It's all a little suspicious when your local gas station claims to have gone green!

Don't get me wrong. I care about the planet as much as anybody out there. I just hope that the earth's future is not dependant on me buying a hybrid or or meticulously sorting my garbage. I do not claim to understand every nuance of the green revolution. What I do know is that this battle is about money. The big industries need to change their ways. But doing so costs them money (and in turn costs us, the consumer, money). The motivation to change will have to come by way of government incentives /arm twisting. No amount of shoppers using paper bags is going to help if the real problem is not fixed.

I ain't done just yet!

2010-03-20T22:11:00.000-07:00

Recently I visited the training grounds of the soccer club I used to play for in India. I was hoping to find some of the old crew and catch up on old times. Maybe even play a little. Instead I was greeted by a whole bunch of young 20-somethings who did not know me and proceeded to address me as "Uncle".

They say 50 is the new 30. Should that not make 40 the new 20? Try telling that to those young boys that evening. All they saw was a balding, greying old man in soccer shoes that nobody wanted on their team. The thing is I do not feel 40. Well, not mentally anyway. My 3 knee surgeries are a constant reminder that my body is aging way faster than my mind.

I notice that age is viewed differently in India. There age means respect. Age means experience. Age means wisdom. Its very unlikely that a younger person will get promoted ahead of a senior person who has been with the company longer. The oldest person in the family is often looked to for advice. Older sibling are viewed and judged differently to their younger counterparts. Even the dog-eat-dog world of Bollywood does not forget to respect its seniors. Ever notice how the young Bollywood starlet will refer to her much older co-star as "Amit Sir" or "Ameer Ji"?

The thing with getting old is not how you perceive yourself but how others perceive you. Being called "Uncle" is the least of my worries. What if I am viewed as too old for my next job? What if my younger friends suddenly think that I am too old for their cards and drinking sessions? It suddenly makes sense why I see so many older guys with hot younger women. Sure they might have the money but there must be no better affirmation of one's youth than being with a younger women!

Age is hardly a factor in the software business in the USA. Here its a case of "You are old enough if you are good enough". I think that is partly due to the nature of a business that thrives on innovation. The simple fact is that new ideas come from young people. All the greatest minds of the last 200 years did their greatest work by the time they were 25 years old. Crap! Its been a while since I crossed that milestone!

There is a whole industry out there that is trying to profit on my insecurities. Health clubs advertise programs to bring back a body that's gone forever and hair products promise a quick fix for my follicle foibles. Alas, none of that will change the fact that I am not a spring chicken anymore.

I heard great news recently: The 80s are making a comeback! Finally, my wardrobe will be relevant once again. So will my taste in music........now if only I can find that old Duran Duran T-shirt.

Dude, where's my cover?

2010-02-10T10:04:00.000-08:00

I remember walking into a record store to buy the new album by Pink Floyd and being blown away by the packaging of the CD.

Each CD was in a box which had a red blinking LED embedded into its edge; a visual representation of the album's name (Pulse).

When the first mp3 players hit the market, I greeted them with little enthusiasm. Now 10 years later I do not remember the last time I bought a new CD. My CD collection (of over 200 CDs) sits idle. I could sell them or give them away but I cannot get myself to do it. For me those CDs are more than the music on them. I remember how each album cover looks and picking up an album brings back memories of when I bought that CD. I love pulling out the inlay card and going over the album details: Who played on which song, notes from the artist, the cover art that makes each album unique.These days I download albums/songs to my mobile player (Sansa Fuze) so I do not get to see the album art and I miss it. I know that iTunes allows you to view the cover but its just not the same.

Pulse would not have been the same had it not been for that dramatic CD packaging. Can any Floyd fans imagine "Dark side of the moon" without that iconic cover of the prism splitting a beam of light? Anybody remember Santana's Abraxas cover? The way music is being consumed today means that the concept of "album" is dead. It also means that the album covers are gone for ever.

I feel the same way about books. I have just started using Amazon's e-book reader (Kindle) and even though I know that this is the way written content will be consumed in the years ahead, I have found the experience of reading a book off the device not as fulfilling. I cannot deny the advantages (portability, size) but what about the other stuff that makes book reading as much of a sensual experience as it is an intellectual one.

Where is that smell of a new book? Where is the cover that I can admire? Where are the beautiful fonts that make each book unique? My Kindle tells me what percentage of the book I have finished but not the page numbers. I miss the fact that I can see my bookmark and visually tell how far I have to go. I love being able to walk into somebody's house for the first time and get an insight into that person by staring at their bookshelves. All these will seem like minor quibbles compared to the benefits but the fact of the matter is that every time we take a step forward with a new paradigm, we loose a few things too.

There will come a time when using the phrase "Never judge a book by its cover" will be greeted with blank stares!

The 4th Idiot.

2010-01-03T01:09:00.000-08:00

Am I am missing something? Has to be.
Everybody gets it except me. Like some memo that I have managed to miss. How else can I explain the sway that hindi movies hold over all the people I know? Every new release imported from the shores of the motherland is awaited like another Sachin century. They know the Stars, the plot, the back story.

And I? I couldn't care less. For me every new movie is another example of overacting by a bunch of aging stars who avoid looking their age like the plague.I cannot understand the fascination for all things Bollywood. There was a time when the trite song-and-dance, hero-villain junk was meant to be for the masses. People justified their cartoonish fantasy story lines as an escape for people whose daily life was a struggle for survival.

Fair enough.

But what are all my friends escaping from? Can they not handle a story which might not have a happy ending or where the protagonist has no love interest? Would they feel disoriented if an on-screen relationship was not developed in 7 minutes of lazy film making by way of a rehashed song sequence under the Golden Gate Bridge?

Speaking of songs, is it not time we put that whole song and dance routine to rest? Every movie has them. Can none of the new breed of talented directors figure out a way to keep an audience engaged without the hero bursting into song?

And what of the actors? Why is it that Mr. Amir Khan played a college student in Raang De Basanti three years ago and his new movie has him playing one again? Am I expected to suspend disbelief ( a skill that one has to master to watch Bollywood fare) and believe that this 45 year old man is supposed to be in college???? Could they find nobody else who looked the part and could pull off such a *demanding* role?

Speaking of aging gracefully, who is going to break the news to Mr. Bachchan that at 70yrs it is OK for him to look his age on the screen and that we will not think less of him if his toupee goes missing for a scene or two.

Don't get me wrong. Its not like everything out of Hollywood is Oscar-worthy. Some of the crap coming out of L.A is so vile that a song or two might actually lessen the pain while watching these gems!

The advice I get the most often goes like this: "Its mindless fun, Yaar!! Leave your brain at home and enjoy!!!"

I am not sure I can leave a vital organ behind and drive myself to a theater showing one of Bollywood's best offerings but one thing is clear as day: While "3 idiots" plays to packed houses in the bay area, I seem to be the only idiot who does not understand what the fuss is about.

Et tu, Tiger?

2009-12-04T19:02:00.000-08:00

How the mighty have fallen.

The last of the untouchables has been caught with his pants down. A lot as been said about what actually happened and how Tiger managed to hit a fire hydrant and a tree all within metres of his driveway. None of that really concerns me. What does concern me is how all this came to pass. How did a guy who can get up and down from a garbage bin, get caught out like this? How did a person with so much to loose risk everything for a mulligan (or two, or three.....)?

The fact that Tiger was caught with somebody else does not surprise me. That's what the rich and the powerful do. What shocks me is that he was stupid enough to get caught! He with his unlimited resources, his private jets, his luxury yatchs and private islands, he with the savvy of a seasoned politician goes to Vegas for his hi-jinks???? Vegas? That's were the wannabes go. That's were the working class goes to live the life that they think the rich have. Imagine going to a club with your friends and bumping into T.W!!! What next? Barack and Michelle catching a performance of Cirque De Soleil?!

What I like is how T.W is handling the media madness. He has decided to hide. No interviews, no public apology (except on his website), no date with Barbara Walters tearfully begging the fans for forgiveness. The public has a short memory and in a few months some other joker will be caught with his hand in the cookie jar and then the hyenas will move on. Remember Kobe? He was accused of rape. A few years and a championship later all is forgotten.

One has to remember that Tiger has not had a normal childhood. When most teenagers are smoking behind the gym and talking about girls, he was winning the U.S Amateur (3 times). When most young men in their 20s are enjoying their new-found independence he was winning majors. He was married and had 2 children by the time he was 32. He has never had the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of being a successful, rich, world famous athlete (however forbidden they might be).

It will be interesting to see which Tiger shows up January for the first PGA tournament on his calender (Torrey Pines). Will we see a distracted Tiger? Will we see a Tiger who is suddenly vulnerable or will we see a Tiger with a sharper focus? If he does decide that the best way out of this is to win and win big then 2K10 might yet be the Year of Tiger. Remember that while he was in Australia having his alleged tryst with one of his mistresses, he trounced the field to win the tournament. Imagine what a hyper-focused Tiger will do.

Finally, it has been interesting hearing men talk about Tiger's misdeeds. Almost nobody I met talked about how they could not understand why he would cheat on his wife. All the talk was about how he was stupid enough to get caught! What does that say about all us married men?

I have written about why I think the rich and the powerful take such risks when they know that being caught would mean paying a high price indeed.
http://tinyurl.com/ycjtuv8

(have I finally "arrived" as blogger when I can refer to my own posts from the past?)

My Inner Child.

2009-11-21T17:03:00.000-08:00

My little two year old breaks into a dance the moment she hears music. I wonder why I cannot be so uninhibited.

She always announces exactly how she feels about anything. I cannot. It seems pointless to announce "I am sad!" or "I am happy". Which adult does that?

She says "I love you" with the ease that only a child can possess. I cannot. That's not something adults say.

She eats only when she is hungry. She does not feel the need to sit down and eat three times a day just because those have been designated as meal times.

When she does eat, she eats with all her senses. Every meal is an adventure, an orgy of smell, sight and touch. I eat mostly because its something I have to do. For adults most meals are brief punctuations in the daily routine.

She wears what she wants. She picks clothes in an instinctive way. She does not care if pink and yellow do not go well together. Adults dress for others. With us its more about how others think we look. A child will never ask you "How do I look Mommy?" because she is sure that she looks great. The Mommy on the other hand......

She is comfortable naked. Totally not self-conscious about her body. We adults on the other hand get nervous at the swimming pool wondering how are bodies are being perceived.

She moves on and never lingers on a past issues. She will never tell me two days later that she was hurt by my refusal to take her to the park. Adults on the other hand.......we will hang on to a perceived slight for days.

And then she will "grow up". Become more of an adult. Responsible, practical, calculating, the child in her gone forever.

I have posted a link to a talk on children's education. It talks about how we need to tap into our inner child to be creative and how our education system is built to kill that kind of creativity.

How schools kill creativity
http://tinyurl.com/mluw5k

The Little Giants

2009-11-06T09:18:00.000-08:00

Sachin Tendulkar is India's greatest sportsman. A living legend who has broken all batting records and at the age of 36 is still going strong. At 5'5", he is a small man and an anomaly in the sporting world where mutant giants are more commonly found now than ever before. The list of small men who have gone on to do great things in the sporting arena is a very small one. The lack of stature has to be compensated by a freakish talent and a scheming mind. Today a small person can all but forget about a career in sport.

Individual sports have become the domain of the big and strong. Only a team sport like soccer and basketball allow for a small person to contribute by playing a specific supporting role. Ussain Bolt and Juan Martin Del Potro are just the start of a new generation of sportsmen that are bigger than any we have seen before. Old thinking used to be that the big guys will never be able to move as well as the smaller guys but modern training methods and nutrition is resulting in big fellas who can move like cats!

Where does that leave the Indians and the Chinese? The average height of the Indian male is 5'4". How are we expected to compete in a world of giants? Maybe we need to be smart about which sports we choose to play. The reason why Indians have had success in cricket is because it is predominantly a skill-based game. Its also the reason why we produce many great batsmen and spin bowlers but not enough fast bowlers because that's when being big and strong is a prerequisite.

Soccer is one game where we might have a chance. Skill and speed on the soccer pitch can go some ways to compensate the lack of height. It would still be a huge challenge. Imagine trying to stop a rampaging Didier Drogba; all 6'2" of him! Baseball is another game where you would think that being big would not be too much of an advantage. But this is far from true: Fast pitching requires big strong bodies and so does hitting home runs off those pitches. I looked up the Yankees roster for height information and was shocked to find that Derek Jeter, who does not look too big on TV, is 6'3"!

And so I live out my sporting dreams vicariously by watching the real "giants". Nothing gives me more pleasure than watching SRT coming down the track and hitting Glenn Mcgrath (all 6'5" of him) back over his head for a six. Or watching Maradona hustle and hoodwink his way through a wall of massive defenders! It is the ultimate triumph of will over circumstance, of guile over brute force, a real-life David-v-Goliath: how can you not cheer for that?

Human height averages around the world
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_height

Head Scratchers.

2009-10-21T10:34:00.000-07:00

1. Volume of ads on TV: Ever notice how the volume suddenly shoots up when a commercial starts playing on television? There I am watching my favourite show at a nice soft volume and all of a sudden the volume shoots up.......it feels like Billy Mays has suddenly walked into my living room. Why do they do this? Do they think that by shouting at me I will buy their product? What I do not understand is why my television's volume control does not attenuate the spikes in volume from the TV signal.

2. Junk mail from credit card companies: I get at least two offers from different banks asking me to sign up for a new credit card every week. Who is giving them my address? How do get I off this mailing list? Just how many credit cards does one man need anyway?

3. Designer Jeans: When you buy a 50,000 dollar car, you get something for that money: speed, luxury, safety, curb appeal. What exactly do a pair of jeans that cost 200$ do for you? They are just a pair of denim trousers! How different can they be than the ones in Costco?? What's the use of spending all that money when there is no easy way to tell them apart from the 20$ ones. I suggest that anybody wearing designer jeans has to wear them with a t-shirt that clearly states the maker and the cost. Something like "Denim Alert- 500$ Jeans below!"

4. Mattress ads on radio: Just what is up with those mattress ads on the radio? Sleep train/Sealy/That number bed.......I should not be knowing so much about mattresses! How often do people need to change mattresses anyway? Where I come from we never change mattresses; you use the same one till you die (or the flees asked you to leave). The mattresses in this country are built like tanks. What could possibly happen to a mattress like that? 800$ for a mattress!!! Are you kidding me?

5. License plate frames telling us which school you graduated from: Why do people have licence plate frames that have the names of their schools on them? Why, Sir, have you put that on your car? Is it to let us all know how smart and special you are that you went to this college? Are we supposed to assume that having a "Stanford Alum" frame means you are smarter than the rest of us? Do not tell me its out of pride for your Alma Mater. I do not see folks from Modesto Community College doing this. Are they not proud of the school they went to? Here's the rule: if you want to flaunt which "top-rated" school you went to, you need to be driving a S-class at the minimum. Makes no sense telling the world how special you are while you drive around in your 8 year old Honda Accord!

Its all been done!

2009-10-17T12:37:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago a young author, Kavya Vishwanathan, had her book pulled from the shelves because it turned out that certain passages of her book were almost identical to passages from some other author's books. Unfortunately, being charged with plagiarism can spell the end of an author's career.

This begs the question: How does one define "original" work? What characteristics does this work need to have to be considered truly original? Can anything be truly original? Take a look around and you will see many examples of new work being done that has more than a trace of some earlier work. The music industry is littered with examples of hit songs that have had parts of other songs. I have yet to hear of a singer or a band having their career destroyed because they wrote a hit song that sounded like another hit song!

Show me your favorite piece of software and I guarantee you that it has parts that have been re-used from other software. Just a small portion of any software is the secret sauce; the rest is just standard plumbing that is re-used again and again.

It is acceptable in certain professions to have your influences clearly visible in your work. Painters, fashion designers, architects and composers have all borrowed ideas from their influences to create new work and we never accuse them of plagiarism. Why is it so different with books? If I used a word-processor to cut and paste from 50 books to come up with my own original story, would that be stealing? Yes, you would find similar sentences and phrases but would that take away from the fact that I have created something new?

The fact of the matter is that very little around us is totally new. Its all been done before albeit in a slightly different form.

There is a famous story of an artist who took another artist's painting and created his own work by erasing parts of the original. Would this qualify as new art? Would creating a dish with leftovers from last night qualify as a new dish? Would it make a difference if the leftovers were made by me or were from a restaurant?

I am not condoning passing of somebody else's work as your own. All I am saying is that if you look real closely, almost all new work will have traces of something from the past.

The link below is a YouTube video created by taking clips from other existing videos on YouTube and creating a new piece of music. Take a look!

http://tinyurl.com/c9b4th

Practice! Practice! Practice!

2009-10-04T17:29:00.000-07:00

I recently read an article about Jerry Rice (the legendary NFL wide receiver) which talks about how he has re-dedicated his life to trying to become a full-time professional golfer. He will be playing in a Nationwide tour event next year and hopes to make the cut.

Studies have shown that to be really great at something, a person has to spend close to 10,000 hours perfecting it. This means that if somebody were to practice 2 hours a day, every day of the week, it would take close to 14 years to reach their goal! Please keep in mind that all that this means is that you will get really good at something. It does not guarantee fame and fortune.

We all have a list of things we would like to take up. Somebody wants to learn the guitar while somebody else wants to paint. Some of us might even make an effort to join a class or two for a few months only to quit. Sometimes we quit because life intervenes( kids/job/career....) and sometimes we quit because we realise that this new activity actually requires a certain amount of dedication and practice! Take up any new activity and after the honeymoon period is over comes a time when things get tough. This first uphill climb is where most people question if this is really what they want to do. Some actually make it through only to encounter the next climb which is steeper!

Most of us will not be able to give 10,000 hours to something but the fact of the matter is that if you want to be good at anything, it requires dedication and hard work. Keep in mind that many of us have already been in our respective fields for over 14 years. How many of us can truly say that we are world class in our respective fields?

We live in an age where everybody expects instant gratification. Many of us have seen commercials on television describing a product that will give instant results. Exercise equipment manufactures will claim that you will see results within a couple of weeks. A software product will claim to teach a new language in weeks and a book will claim to be able to teach you a computer language in 21 days!

I was once told by a well known drummer that if I treated music like a mistress all I would get in return would be some decent sex but if I treated music like a lover then I would get a relationship that will last a lifetime. Never having had a mistress, I cannot confirm his theory but his point is well taken: We get back from our endeavours what we put in.

So while I sit around making up excuses as to why I cannot make time to practice, I will be watching Mr. Rice closely over the next few months and rooting for him.

The Walking Billboard.

2009-09-21T12:52:00.000-07:00

Watching Nadal and Del Potro slug it out, I almost wondered if both men shared a wardrobe. They both wore near identical clothes with the Nike logo splashed on every inch of available real-estate.

I am getting a little tired of this "logo overload". Not a moment goes by when I am not being bombarded by the signage of some company or the other. Sachin's bat, Tigers glove, LeBron's shoes.......

The reason is obvious: Companies think that you will buy a product because your favorite star is using it. It’s the oldest trick in the advertiser's handbook. What the marketers are doing is not so much selling a product as they are an entry into an exclusive club. If you wear Jordan's shoes then he and you will have something in common. Nobody ever pauses to wonder if there might be a cheaper or better alternative in the market.

We are absolutely surrounded by Ads 24/7. There will be times when you will not know that you are seeing/hearing an Ad! Ads are being disguised as news reports, as magazine articles and some as official research papers. You will see Ads in the movies (subtle product placements), Ads in your email (spam) and Ads in your mailbox (junk mail). Ads will target your hidden fears and your insecurities. They will make you buy stuff to make you feel good about yourself, to keep up with the Joneses, to fit in with the "In" crowd. They will make you buy creams to look fair and pills to loose weight.

I recently saw an Ad for a brand of diapers on TV. The mother is being told by the Dr. that her baby has a cold because the cloth diapers she has been using result in the baby staying wet and cold! Can you imagine the guilt that mothers who are watching will feel when they are told that they are not doing the most for their children? It’s been shown that using cloth diapers will mean your child is potty-trained much faster. Also, cloth diapers are way more environmentally friendly than the chemical-filled ones.

It will not be long before everything around us is one big advertisement. You will find Ads on your phone, Ads at the gas station while you wait to fill up. Our kids’ schools will have Ads in the form of sponsorships, books will be subsidized with Ads in the margins....there is no escape.

I see a glimmer of hope in the form of services like Yelp! and other review sites on the internet. That seems like the right way to find products and services: you talk to people who have similar needs/budgets and hear what their experience has been with a particular product.

In the mad rush to rent out every available inch of real-estate to the advertisers, it was refreshing to see two examples where people did not sell out.

Barcelona Football Club is one of the biggest soccer clubs in the world with a world-wide fan following. They could have sold space on their jerseys for millions. Instead their jersey sports the logo of Unicef and they donate almost 2 million dollars per year to Unicef!

Golfer Ryan Moore plays without looking like a walking billboard. He has no logo on his bag, on his shoes or on his hat. It is the most refreshing thing to see! He claims that he wants the freedom to use any product without being tied to a certain brand. He is loosing out on some big money by going the logo-free route. Let’s see how long he can resist the temptation of big bucks.

Here’s a link to a Wikipedia entry that talks about the origins and the history of advertising.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advertising

Say something I want to hear!

2009-09-15T22:33:00.000-07:00

There is no easier way to generate conflict then by just telling the truth. When it comes to dealing with people and relationships the rule is very clear: Always lie!

Now I do not mean big lies like:
"I was going to use the money to start an orphanage"
or
"I was holding the knife when he suddenly fell on it!"

No, I am talking about all the little half lies that any person with half a brain will say just to keep the status quo. We all have this skill and use it to great effect.For example.....

Q. "How do I look in this new dress, honey?"

What you really think is :
A:"Err....Like a color blind hooker who for some reason thinks that orange is the new black!"

What you end up saying:
A. Whoa! That looks killer on you!

Q. "How was the food, sir?"

What you really think:
A."Excellent! I am waiting for the heart attack from the oil....or I could just end it now by slitting my wrists with this hard piece of naan"

What you end up saying:
A. "Excellent! We will definitely come back again!"

These lies do not make us bad people. In fact, these lies are the glue that hold any relationship together. Think about it for a second: If you told your spouse EXACTLY what you felt, the moment you felt it, you wouldn't have a spouse. The same goes for your colleagues, your manager, your friends.....even your parents.

The fact of the matter is that people already know what they want to hear when they ask the question. So why not give it to them? The trick is to not ask a question that will force a person to lie. Do you really want to know what your friends think about you? Or what your wife finds most irritating about your behaviour?
Trust me , you are happier not knowing some of these answers!

Let the games begin!

2009-09-07T23:32:00.001-07:00

I am gobsmacked by what Usain Bolt has done on the track this year. He has obliterated the world records in both the 100m and 200m races and set times that seemed unreachable till he came along. To put things in perspective, Ben Johnson's run at the Seoul Olympics in 88 set a mark of 9.79 seconds. Since then in the last 20 years the record had dropped to 9.72 before Bolt destroyed it last month by running a 9.58!!!

Now the question being asked is - does he runs clean? A long history of exposed sprint stars has cast a shadow of doubt over Bolt's accomplishments. The adverse effects these PEDs (Performance Enhancing Drugs) can have on a person's body have been well documented yet the demand to succeed in an ultra-competitive environment means that there will always be people who will risk bodily harm and humiliation to achieve fame and glory.

Why the big hangup against PEDs? The thought is that any competition should be fair and the winner should have no unfair advantage over his or her fellow competitors. Add to that the fact that consuming PEDs can have harmful side-effects. Also mentioned is the risk of young people turning to PEDs to try and emulate their idols.

This brings me to my question: Will you stop watching if you knew somebody was taking a PED? Would you not watch a Federer showcase his exquisite skills if he was known to be taking something? Would you not watch Ronaldo play if it turned out that he was a coke head?

I for one would keep watching! In fact here is what I suggest: Lets have a world championship where the athletes can take whatever drug they want. Then there will be no whispers of athletes being tainted. Lets see how fast a human can run, jump or throw a javelin if he or she can use any means available. I don't care if someone shows up with two horns and hooves for feet!!! The fact of the matter is that everybody loves a freak show...... The TV rating will go through the roof!

Let the games begin!

P.S. - The issue of PEDs in sport is a hotly debated one. There are those that believe that PEDs should be legalized while others feel that users should be caught and penalised. I have posted a link below that sums up the arguments on both sides. The one aspect that is not talked about in any of the articles I have read is that sport today is a multi-billion dollar business that relies on the top players playing and producing their best. I do not think that potential advertisers will walk away from an event if it has players who are on PEDs but they certainly will stay away if the marque players are absent. The bottom line is that there will always be a viewership for events which have the best players and for events which have drama and great competition.

Pros and Cons of using and allowing PEDs
http://tinyurl.com/c7cv3q

A Few Good Men.

2009-09-02T13:39:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been inspired by a single person to the point where you are willing to follow this person to the end of the earth? Ever been so influenced by this person's vision and philosophy that it has changed your life? This power to inspire and move a large group of people is very rare and never has there been a time when we need an inspirational figure to rally around as there is now.

Where are the Gandhis, the MLKs, the Mandelas......leaders who could mobilize an entire nation.
Could it be that we have become a cynical bunch who would never believe anybody who stood up on a soapbox and offered us deliverance from all that ails us? Could it be that we have it so good that we do not need a great leader to rise and lead us? Could it be that it is only when things get really bad that the great leaders amongst us arise? Surely that cannot be true. India and its poor are in dire straits and she could do with a leader with an inspirational message that rings true for people from all across the country. Or could it be that the Mayavatis and the Lalloos are thought of as exactly these types of leaders?! Scary thought!!

The fact is that people like to be led. They want someone to believe in and pin their hopes on. There are numerous examples of movie stars having success in politics because people believe that their on-screen persona (brave, honest) is how they really are! That's the same reason why Oprah Winfrey has such a wide following amongst women (black and white). That's the same reason why Diego Maradona can come to Calcutta and bring the city to a screeching halt and why Rajanikant can decide an election just by uttering a few words of support for a particular candidate.

Speaking of leaders, Obama is being thought of as "The One". He has the captured the collective consciousness of the country and he could rise and be great if he wanted to. Or he could end up being just your typical politician.

I once asked a friend if he had ever been inspired by anybody and he mentioned Jesus Christ. I envy those that can put their trust in a religion and expect to be shown the light. Personally, I prefer my leaders to walk the earth in my time.

Aquas Bottumus Cleanus!

2009-08-28T23:20:00.000-07:00

All you Paper People out there, remember that travelling to India might mean having to resurrect you long forgotten skills! Don't remember how? Tch Tch....bloody phirangi!

We Water People are all being discriminated upon by the Paper People! As we speak my fellow Indians are abandoning years of refined skills to go the paper route. Shame Shame! Now I totally understand that (unlike designed handicapped parking spots) there are no designated restrooms for Water People. This is nothing but a ploy to convert every one of us WP (Water People) to the dark side.

You PP (Paper People) have no case. Do you really believe that your deviant ways will leave no tell-tale signs?? H20 Baby!! Whats that you say? Its unhygienic? Really? Ever heard of soap?

Here's something to try at home for all you PP: Rub some peanut butter into your carpet and then try and clean it off with paper. I rest my case.

When are you coming back to India?

2009-08-27T14:16:00.000-07:00

I get asked this question every time I am in India on vacation. Most of my friends wonder why I am still living in the USA when I could be working in India, making lots of money and be part of the economic boom that India has been enjoying. "Is life really that much better there?" they ask.

My stock answer to this last question is that its not a question of better or worse. Life in the USA is different. I give up some aspects of life found in India for some other aspects that I can only get in the USA. Every trip to India brings this tradeoff into sharp focus.

Its been two days since I have returned and the one thing I miss the most is the people. I do not mean just family/friends but just the random hub hub of people everywhere. Strangers walking in and out of the house, people on the streets, in the restaurants. My suburban street in the USA is dead by comparison!

City life in India reminds me of a jazz concert. There is a framework within which the musician has to stay but the rest is made up as the band moves along. That's exactly how I feel about living in India. You can make all the plans you want but you must be flexible. Improvisation is the order of the day! In contrast life in the USA seems like a classical concert. Beethoven's 5th is going to play out in exactly the same way every time you hear it!

There are enough aspects to life in India that I do not miss but I have learned better than to point out these flaws to my friends living there. They do not need to hear this from me; somebody who in their opinion has escaped for a better life! After all nobody likes an outsider to pass judgement on their condition, however dire it might be.

Where is India's Y.E?

2009-08-18T06:42:00.000-07:00

Y.E Yang did what nobody had been able to do for the last many years. He took down El Tigre in the last round with Tiger holding a 2 shot lead. I have been reading how this victory will be a shot in the arm for golf and golfers in Asia. Unfortunately just inspiration is not enough to produce a champion. Its going to take nothing short of a miracle for an Indian to win a major. If anybody does do it, it will be in spite of the system and not because of it.

Golf in India is an elitist sport, a pastime for the rich and famous. Hang out at a clubhouse on any indian course and you will hear talk of what the stock market is doing, where somebody is going on vacation and how the new 7 Series is better then the S class.

The best players in the last 20 years have been either former caddies who honed their skills while working at some course or players who came from privileged families which permitted their children to indulge in the sport. It is virtually impossible for a child to be introduced to the game by his father with limited means. There are no driving ranges where those curious about the game can get a taste for the game. There are no public courses where a man can walk off the street, rent some clubs and play without having to pay a month's salary.

Unfortunately this lack of accessible infrastructure can be used to describe the condition of almost any sport in India. Things seem to be changing albeit slowly. The new professional soccer league seems to be a small step in the right direction. The local political bigwig from my hometown has practically run the Indian Olympic Committee for the last many years. We have nothing to show for it. Nothing. As long as these appointments are being filled by politicians, nothing is going to change. India's Y.E Yang will have to come from left field, having snuck through the broken system by sheer hard work and a huge dose of good fortune.

Beam me up, Scotty!

2009-08-03T06:59:00.000-07:00

21 hours. Trapped in a metal tube, strapped to a seat. That's international air travel for you. If only the Wright Brothers knew what they would be unleashing. If only somebody had shown them the future of air travel: long flights, crappy food and full body searches.

I admit I hate air travel. The thought of being trapped in a metal can while I am forced to breathe the collective farts of a couple of hundred fellow inmates does not excite me. Add a couple of cranky kids to this potent mix and the nightmare is complete. Now, I understand all the benefits of air travel and I understand that there is no better alternative to travelling half way round the world but in my view the airline industry is taking me for granted.

Would it really hurt them to take out 6/7 rows of seats to give me 6/7 inches of extra legroom? Does the food have to be something that NASA would send up to the space station with the shuttle? What about those damn faucets in the restrooms? Can they not stay on while I have both my hands free? Do all these flights have to depart at 2 in the morning?

I am into the second week of my vacation and the one lingering thought, the gorilla in the room that I just cannot ignore, is the thought of the flight back home.

Its Wrong. But only if you get caught........

2009-07-23T11:29:00.000-07:00

How far would you go if you could get away with it?

Would an otherwise honest person steal if it was guaranteed that he or she would not be caught?

Would you cheat on your spouse if nobody would ever know?

I truly believe that a large part of our morality would go out of the window if there were no consequences to our actions.

Think Las Vegas. Through a brilliant marketing campaign ("What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas"), the folks in Vegas promise you that what you do within the confines of Sin City will stay there......and more importantly its OK to let your guard down once in a while. Its OK to have a stripper grind her ass in your face. Its OK to down a couple of shots while you lick salt off her ample bosom. It does not mean you are a bad person!

Think how many politicians get caught with their pants down every year. What were they thinking??? Why would somebody with so much to loose not pause and think of the consequences?

Maybe because they thought they would never be found out?

Its the oldest rule in the male handbook- Never let your other head do the thinking for you!

As for me, I would never indulge in such mindless pleasure. My strong moral compass will not permit me to..........Unless of course I happen to be invited to a bachelor's party in Vegas. It would be rude to refuse!

Gentlemen, Tighten your Langots!

2009-07-22T15:39:00.000-07:00

I have finally taken the plunge. I am not sure what I will blog about. It is most likely that this blog will start off with all the enthusiasm of an adolescent boy discovering girls and then die a slow death!

The name of the blog is the result of a conversation I once had with a friend. We were discussing how people bought web domain names and then made money off the banner ads being displayed on an otherwise totally useless website. That's when I suggested starting a website called TightLangot.com! I wondered if having a curious name would be enough for people to show up.

I guess we will find out with this blog :)

Finally, for those of you adventurous enough to try and incorporate the words "Tight Langot" into your everyday vocabulary, I have a suggestion.

The next time you want to tell someone to "pull up their socks" and work harder, just say "tighten your langot"! You might be surprised with the results.