Aquas Bottumus Cleanus!

All you Paper People out there, remember that travelling to India might mean having to resurrect you long forgotten skills! Don't remember how? Tch Tch....bloody phirangi!

We Water People are all being discriminated upon by the Paper People! As we speak my fellow Indians are abandoning years of refined skills to go the paper route. Shame Shame! Now I totally understand that (unlike designed handicapped parking spots) there are no designated restrooms for Water People. This is nothing but a ploy to convert every one of us WP (Water People) to the dark side.

You PP (Paper People) have no case. Do you really believe that your deviant ways will leave no tell-tale signs?? H20 Baby!! Whats that you say? Its unhygienic? Really? Ever heard of soap?

Here's something to try at home for all you PP: Rub some peanut butter into your carpet and then try and clean it off with paper. I rest my case.

When are you coming back to India?

I get asked this question every time I am in India on vacation. Most of my friends wonder why I am still living in the USA when I could be working in India, making lots of money and be part of the economic boom that India has been enjoying. "Is life really that much better there?" they ask.

My stock answer to this last question is that its not a question of better or worse. Life in the USA is different. I give up some aspects of life found in India for some other aspects that I can only get in the USA. Every trip to India brings this tradeoff into sharp focus.


Its been two days since I have returned and the one thing I miss the most is the people. I do not mean just family/friends but just the random hub hub of people everywhere. Strangers walking in and out of the house, people on the streets, in the restaurants. My suburban street in the USA is dead by comparison!

City life in India reminds me of a jazz concert. There is a framework within which the musician has to stay but the rest is made up as the band moves along. That's exactly how I feel about living in India. You can make all the plans you want but you must be flexible. Improvisation is the order of the day! In contrast life in the USA seems like a classical concert. Beethoven's 5th is going to play out in exactly the same way every time you hear it!

There are enough aspects to life in India that I do not miss but I have learned better than to point out these flaws to my friends living there. They do not need to hear this from me; somebody who in their opinion has escaped for a better life! After all nobody likes an outsider to pass judgement on their condition, however dire it might be.

Where is India's Y.E?

Y.E Yang did what nobody had been able to do for the last many years. He took down El Tigre in the last round with Tiger holding a 2 shot lead. I have been reading how this victory will be a shot in the arm for golf and golfers in Asia. Unfortunately just inspiration is not enough to produce a champion. Its going to take nothing short of a miracle for an Indian to win a major. If anybody does do it, it will be in spite of the system and not because of it.

Golf in India is an elitist sport, a pastime for the rich and famous. Hang out at a clubhouse on any indian course and you will hear talk of what the stock market is doing, where somebody is going on vacation and how the new 7 Series is better then the S class.

The best players in the last 20 years have been either former caddies who honed their skills while working at some course or players who came from privileged families which permitted their children to indulge in the sport. It is virtually impossible for a child to be introduced to the game by his father with limited means. There are no driving ranges where those curious about the game can get a taste for the game. There are no public courses where a man can walk off the street, rent some clubs and play without having to pay a month's salary.

Unfortunately this lack of accessible infrastructure can be used to describe the condition of almost any sport in India. Things seem to be changing albeit slowly. The new professional soccer league seems to be a small step in the right direction. The local political bigwig from my hometown has practically run the Indian Olympic Committee for the last many years. We have nothing to show for it. Nothing. As long as these appointments are being filled by politicians, nothing is going to change. India's Y.E Yang will have to come from left field, having snuck through the broken system by sheer hard work and a huge dose of good fortune.

Beam me up, Scotty!

21 hours. Trapped in a metal tube, strapped to a seat. That's international air travel for you. If only the Wright Brothers knew what they would be unleashing. If only somebody had shown them the future of air travel: long flights, crappy food and full body searches.

I admit I hate air travel. The thought of being trapped in a metal can while I am forced to breathe the collective farts of a couple of hundred fellow inmates does not excite me. Add a couple of cranky kids to this potent mix and the nightmare is complete. Now, I understand all the benefits of air travel and I understand that there is no better alternative to travelling half way round the world but in my view the airline industry is taking me for granted.

Would it really hurt them to take out 6/7 rows of seats to give me 6/7 inches of extra legroom? Does the food have to be something that NASA would send up to the space station with the shuttle? What about those damn faucets in the restrooms? Can they not stay on while I have both my hands free? Do all these flights have to depart at 2 in the morning?

I am into the second week of my vacation and the one lingering thought, the gorilla in the room that I just cannot ignore, is the thought of the flight back home.