Say something I want to hear!

There is no easier way to generate conflict then by just telling the truth. When it comes to dealing with people and relationships the rule is very clear: Always lie!

Now I do not mean big lies like:
"I was going to use the money to start an orphanage"
or
"I was holding the knife when he suddenly fell on it!"

No, I am talking about all the little half lies that any person with half a brain will say just to keep the status quo. We all have this skill and use it to great effect.For example.....

Q. "How do I look in this new dress, honey?"

What you really think is :
A:"Err....Like a color blind hooker who for some reason thinks that orange is the new black!"

What you end up saying:
A. Whoa! That looks killer on you!

Q. "How was the food, sir?"

What you really think:
A."Excellent! I am waiting for the heart attack from the oil....or I could just end it now by slitting my wrists with this hard piece of naan"

What you end up saying:
A. "Excellent! We will definitely come back again!"

These lies do not make us bad people. In fact, these lies are the glue that hold any relationship together. Think about it for a second: If you told your spouse EXACTLY what you felt, the moment you felt it, you wouldn't have a spouse. The same goes for your colleagues, your manager, your friends.....even your parents.

The fact of the matter is that people already know what they want to hear when they ask the question. So why not give it to them? The trick is to not ask a question that will force a person to lie. Do you really want to know what your friends think about you? Or what your wife finds most irritating about your behaviour?
Trust me , you are happier not knowing some of these answers!

Let the games begin!

I am gobsmacked by what Usain Bolt has done on the track this year. He has obliterated the world records in both the 100m and 200m races and set times that seemed unreachable till he came along. To put things in perspective, Ben Johnson's run at the Seoul Olympics in 88 set a mark of 9.79 seconds. Since then in the last 20 years the record had dropped to 9.72 before Bolt destroyed it last month by running a 9.58!!!

Now the question being asked is - does he runs clean? A long history of exposed sprint stars has cast a shadow of doubt over Bolt's accomplishments. The adverse effects these PEDs (Performance Enhancing Drugs) can have on a person's body have been well documented yet the demand to succeed in an ultra-competitive environment means that there will always be people who will risk bodily harm and humiliation to achieve fame and glory.

Why the big hangup against PEDs? The thought is that any competition should be fair and the winner should have no unfair advantage over his or her fellow competitors. Add to that the fact that consuming PEDs can have harmful side-effects. Also mentioned is the risk of young people turning to PEDs to try and emulate their idols.

This brings me to my question: Will you stop watching if you knew somebody was taking a PED? Would you not watch a Federer showcase his exquisite skills if he was known to be taking something? Would you not watch Ronaldo play if it turned out that he was a coke head?

I for one would keep watching! In fact here is what I suggest: Lets have a world championship where the athletes can take whatever drug they want. Then there will be no whispers of athletes being tainted. Lets see how fast a human can run, jump or throw a javelin if he or she can use any means available. I don't care if someone shows up with two horns and hooves for feet!!! The fact of the matter is that everybody loves a freak show...... The TV rating will go through the roof!

Let the games begin!

P.S. - The issue of PEDs in sport is a hotly debated one. There are those that believe that PEDs should be legalized while others feel that users should be caught and penalised. I have posted a link below that sums up the arguments on both sides. The one aspect that is not talked about in any of the articles I have read is that sport today is a multi-billion dollar business that relies on the top players playing and producing their best. I do not think that potential advertisers will walk away from an event if it has players who are on PEDs but they certainly will stay away if the marque players are absent. The bottom line is that there will always be a viewership for events which have the best players and for events which have drama and great competition.

Pros and Cons of using and allowing PEDs
http://tinyurl.com/c7cv3q

A Few Good Men.

Have you ever been inspired by a single person to the point where you are willing to follow this person to the end of the earth? Ever been so influenced by this person's vision and philosophy that it has changed your life? This power to inspire and move a large group of people is very rare and never has there been a time when we need an inspirational figure to rally around as there is now.

Where are the Gandhis, the MLKs, the Mandelas......leaders who could mobilize an entire nation.
Could it be that we have become a cynical bunch who would never believe anybody who stood up on a soapbox and offered us deliverance from all that ails us? Could it be that we have it so good that we do not need a great leader to rise and lead us? Could it be that it is only when things get really bad that the great leaders amongst us arise? Surely that cannot be true. India and its poor are in dire straits and she could do with a leader with an inspirational message that rings true for people from all across the country. Or could it be that the Mayavatis and the Lalloos are thought of as exactly these types of leaders?! Scary thought!!

The fact is that people like to be led. They want someone to believe in and pin their hopes on. There are numerous examples of movie stars having success in politics because people believe that their on-screen persona (brave, honest) is how they really are! That's the same reason why Oprah Winfrey has such a wide following amongst women (black and white). That's the same reason why Diego Maradona can come to Calcutta and bring the city to a screeching halt and why Rajanikant can decide an election just by uttering a few words of support for a particular candidate.

Speaking of leaders, Obama is being thought of as "The One". He has the captured the collective consciousness of the country and he could rise and be great if he wanted to. Or he could end up being just your typical politician.

I once asked a friend if he had ever been inspired by anybody and he mentioned Jesus Christ. I envy those that can put their trust in a religion and expect to be shown the light. Personally, I prefer my leaders to walk the earth in my time.

Aquas Bottumus Cleanus!

All you Paper People out there, remember that travelling to India might mean having to resurrect you long forgotten skills! Don't remember how? Tch Tch....bloody phirangi!

We Water People are all being discriminated upon by the Paper People! As we speak my fellow Indians are abandoning years of refined skills to go the paper route. Shame Shame! Now I totally understand that (unlike designed handicapped parking spots) there are no designated restrooms for Water People. This is nothing but a ploy to convert every one of us WP (Water People) to the dark side.

You PP (Paper People) have no case. Do you really believe that your deviant ways will leave no tell-tale signs?? H20 Baby!! Whats that you say? Its unhygienic? Really? Ever heard of soap?

Here's something to try at home for all you PP: Rub some peanut butter into your carpet and then try and clean it off with paper. I rest my case.

When are you coming back to India?

I get asked this question every time I am in India on vacation. Most of my friends wonder why I am still living in the USA when I could be working in India, making lots of money and be part of the economic boom that India has been enjoying. "Is life really that much better there?" they ask.

My stock answer to this last question is that its not a question of better or worse. Life in the USA is different. I give up some aspects of life found in India for some other aspects that I can only get in the USA. Every trip to India brings this tradeoff into sharp focus.


Its been two days since I have returned and the one thing I miss the most is the people. I do not mean just family/friends but just the random hub hub of people everywhere. Strangers walking in and out of the house, people on the streets, in the restaurants. My suburban street in the USA is dead by comparison!

City life in India reminds me of a jazz concert. There is a framework within which the musician has to stay but the rest is made up as the band moves along. That's exactly how I feel about living in India. You can make all the plans you want but you must be flexible. Improvisation is the order of the day! In contrast life in the USA seems like a classical concert. Beethoven's 5th is going to play out in exactly the same way every time you hear it!

There are enough aspects to life in India that I do not miss but I have learned better than to point out these flaws to my friends living there. They do not need to hear this from me; somebody who in their opinion has escaped for a better life! After all nobody likes an outsider to pass judgement on their condition, however dire it might be.

Where is India's Y.E?

Y.E Yang did what nobody had been able to do for the last many years. He took down El Tigre in the last round with Tiger holding a 2 shot lead. I have been reading how this victory will be a shot in the arm for golf and golfers in Asia. Unfortunately just inspiration is not enough to produce a champion. Its going to take nothing short of a miracle for an Indian to win a major. If anybody does do it, it will be in spite of the system and not because of it.

Golf in India is an elitist sport, a pastime for the rich and famous. Hang out at a clubhouse on any indian course and you will hear talk of what the stock market is doing, where somebody is going on vacation and how the new 7 Series is better then the S class.

The best players in the last 20 years have been either former caddies who honed their skills while working at some course or players who came from privileged families which permitted their children to indulge in the sport. It is virtually impossible for a child to be introduced to the game by his father with limited means. There are no driving ranges where those curious about the game can get a taste for the game. There are no public courses where a man can walk off the street, rent some clubs and play without having to pay a month's salary.

Unfortunately this lack of accessible infrastructure can be used to describe the condition of almost any sport in India. Things seem to be changing albeit slowly. The new professional soccer league seems to be a small step in the right direction. The local political bigwig from my hometown has practically run the Indian Olympic Committee for the last many years. We have nothing to show for it. Nothing. As long as these appointments are being filled by politicians, nothing is going to change. India's Y.E Yang will have to come from left field, having snuck through the broken system by sheer hard work and a huge dose of good fortune.

Beam me up, Scotty!

21 hours. Trapped in a metal tube, strapped to a seat. That's international air travel for you. If only the Wright Brothers knew what they would be unleashing. If only somebody had shown them the future of air travel: long flights, crappy food and full body searches.

I admit I hate air travel. The thought of being trapped in a metal can while I am forced to breathe the collective farts of a couple of hundred fellow inmates does not excite me. Add a couple of cranky kids to this potent mix and the nightmare is complete. Now, I understand all the benefits of air travel and I understand that there is no better alternative to travelling half way round the world but in my view the airline industry is taking me for granted.

Would it really hurt them to take out 6/7 rows of seats to give me 6/7 inches of extra legroom? Does the food have to be something that NASA would send up to the space station with the shuttle? What about those damn faucets in the restrooms? Can they not stay on while I have both my hands free? Do all these flights have to depart at 2 in the morning?

I am into the second week of my vacation and the one lingering thought, the gorilla in the room that I just cannot ignore, is the thought of the flight back home.